Watch for falling ice

Ever since humans and weather were both a thing, humans haven't known what hail's deal is vis-à-vis climate change. This was mainly because humans have lacked the computing power needed to accurately simulate hail storms within our climate models. But, hail ignorance no more! A recent study in Nature Climate Change reports that climate models are now sophisticated enough to properly simulate hail production given different climatic changes. Phewf! Finally, I can relax!

So, what have the models taught us? Well, If you're living where it's typically cool and dry, you can expect an overall decrease in days with hail in the future, but an increase in days with large hail. Hence, the study predicts that in the Prairies, Plains States, and Western Canada, physical damage due to springtime hail will possibly increase by upwards of 40%. That's a lot of cracked windshields! This might be a good time to invest in that Prairie door-to-door carport sales racket your brother-in-law's been on about...

On the flip side, if you live where it's hot and humid, God has taken pity on you and you are likely to experience a decrease in springtime hail damage due to climate change. No more wearing bike helmets in thunderstorms for you, Florida!

The study also specifically points out that there's going to be more hail damage in places like Alberta's "Hail Alley," which is not to be confused with my 22-volume manifesto "Hail, Allie!", a call to give Jane Curtin unilateral control of all national weather stations.