Swiss bisques risk fines for live dives

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Very recently, Switzerland banned the practice of boiling lobsters whilst alive (whilst the lobsters are alive, not whilst you, the lobster-boiler, is alive). The same thing was banned in New Zealand in 1999, which inspired the Prince song "1999," which, notoriously, is about lobsters throwing themselves a sexy New Zealand lobster-boiling-alive ban themed party. Forgive me, I've gone astray. 

So, if you find yourself on or around the streets of Switzerland with a particularly acute crustacean craving anytime soon, be careful you don't accidentally boil your live lobster in front of any Swiss fish police. The punishment for doing so will set you back a certain amount of Swiss francs, the fish police will make all of your secret Swiss bank accounts somewhat less secret, and, if you ever thenceforth start a world war, they might decide not to be so neutral this time.

I know I won't be in trouble with the fish police anytime soon as I am no fan of seafood, and I avoid eating lobster at all costs. Mostly because of all the cost of lobster, but also because I have no clue how to open up a lobster and don't want to embarrass myself in front of all the other fine Red Lobster patrons by doing something as uncouth as trying to suck out lobster meat from its unbroken bum-shell area.

Thus ends the post. Really, if you think about it, all posts should end with the phrase "bum-shell area."