Have you ever been told you drink like a fish? According to a recent Scientific Reports report, carp and goldfish drink like their lives depend on it. When their fishbowls and/or ponds freeze over in the winter, their water becomes starved of oxygen. In non-carp animals, this would be somewhat troubling, as low levels of oxygen in your body can lead to a lethal build up of lactic acid. And a lethal build up of pretty much anything can be deadly
Lactic acid is what your muscles produce when they do muscly things, and then your body uses oxygen to break the acid down. That's why you get out of breath when you exercise. But it turns out that goldfish and carp, instead of needing oxygen, can just directly convert lactic acid into alcohol.
So, in this sitch when the fish wish to stay alive but have no oxygen, they just convert lactic acid directly to alcohol and bliss out. And, much like my Uncle Jimmy, these fish spend their winters under ice and over the legal limit. All of this is to say, I am officially dedicating the rest of my human life to evolving fish genes so that instead of running out of breath when I climb a stair or two, I just get drunk! Tired of listening to Uncle Jimmy drone on about the snowmobile traffic in the hinterlands of Newfoundland? Just casually pound out a few of my fave isometrics, and ride that wave of lactic whiskey all the way to Goldfishville. What?