A complete-ish list of all mustard jokes

What follows this paragraph is a compendium of all mustard related jokes known to the humans of this planet. Hold on to your condiment hats because this is going to take all the patience you can mustard!

  • I like my men how I like my mustard: Hot, grainy, and yellow. Like, somewhat jaundiced.
  • You can only call it Dijon mustard gas if you're attacking Dijon.
  • Patient: Doctor, you have something on your collar. Doctor: It mustard been some mustard I ate that subsequently spilled. (NOTE: that joke was written in the 14th century, long before jokes were required to be funny (but just after doctors were invented).)
  • Exactly how prepared, really, is prepared mustard? He says he's prepared, but every time I go to make a sandwich he yells at me, "dammit, JTT! I told you to give me a minute!" (I told my mustard that I'm JTT. Shhhh!)
  • Grey Poupon is neither grey nor... nope, forget that one...
  • While the two cantaloupe varieties that we typically enjoy are muskmelons, not all muskmelons are cantaloupes.

I have no explanation for that last one.