Clichés that aren't literally true

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Fight fire with fire

Nope! I'm going to fight fire with fire retardant chemicals! It's the reason we keep a fire extinguisher in our kitchen and not a fire retinguisher. 

 

Sunlight is the best disinfectant

Nope again, Kal Penn! Sunlight might kill vampires, skin cells, and my will to live, but most bacteria and viruses are perfectly okay with the occasional-to-frequent tanning sesh. What you want is a solid filter, a decent dose of chlorine and/or ozone, and a good and hearty hour or so of UV irradiation. 

 

Don't feed Gremlins after midnight

Yes, we've all seen, and based our wedding vows on, Carl Sagan's semi-autobiographical cinematic classic Gremlins. But that movie got more wrong than it did right. Feeding Gremlins after midnight is as fine and randy as John and Candy.

 

Fit as a fiddle

have you ever tried jamming your fiddle into an undersized overhead compartment? Spoiler alert! It doesn't fit.

 

Laughter is the best medicine

Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.

 

Every rainbow has the crushing realization that a rainbow is ephemeral at best, fleeting at second best, and will literally suck your soul out of your soul-hole directly through your eyes

That one is more of a family motto than a cliché.

Wait, people say "Ernie and Bert"?

Who are these monsters?

Using Google Ngram, we can see that ever since the early 70's, saying "Bert and Ernie" has been more popular than saying "Ernie and Bert." 

 Data from  Google Ngram .

Data from Google Ngram.

But it wasn't until the 90's that people started getting their act together and started saying "Ernie and Bert" less and less. Unfortunately, the practice has yet to die out, and so one would assume that these backwoods Ernie-and-Bert-ers are out there somewhere saying everything backwards, like, "Cher and Sonny" or "Jerry and Ben" or "stance and hap."

What do you say?