The Abominable Snowflake


This past Sunday, VP Mike Pence partook in some pretty overt political theater. In Trump's ongoing production of The Manbabyian Candidate, Pence was willingly cast as the delicate flower who gets the vapours whenever he sees a non-conforming black man. During the national anthem, the vice president feigned an insensitivity to black people calling attention to social injustice, threw a hissy fit, and used it all as an excuse to not watch football with the general public. As reported by CNN, prior to the veep's protest protestation, a pool of journalists (I would have called it a jalopy of journalists) that had been following Pence before the game were told by a Pence staffer to stay outside of the stadium, as "there may be an early departure from the game." Upon hearing that the whole incident was staged, a local resident (as well as the entire population of Earth) was overheard saying, "No s**t it was staged!"

Rumor has it that, early next year, you'll be able to catch the VP in his Gilbert and Sullivan-inspired one man show, The Pirates of Pence-is-an-Ass. Next month, live at the White House, Pence will be reprising his role as Judd in an all-bigot production of Oklahomophobia!

BONUS: some other titles of Trump productions coming soon to definitely-not-Broadway:

  • Hello, Donny!
  • Legally Bald
  • Hairsplay
  • Bye Bye Birther
  • Wicked
  • (I Saw) Oliver (Backstage at the Beauty Pageant)
  • The Book of No More Mexicans
  • The Lying King