2031: The year we'll all be hotter

A couple years ago, Paris said the world isn't allowed to warm more than 1.5°C. When asked to comment, the world said, "F**k that!"

According to a study by Henley and King, a twisty and slow-moving ocean phenomenon called the Interdecadal Pacific Oscillation holds the fate of the world in its salmon-infested hands. 

The Interdecadal Pacific Oscillation (heretofore referred to as Joseph) is that thing where one part of the ocean is warmer than usual; while, at the same time, a whole other part of the ocean is cooler than usual. Every decade or two or three, this flips, and Joseph switches to having the first part of the ocean cooler than usual and the second part of the ocean is warmer than usual. AND, as this study contends, this plays a large role in how fast the human-caused global warming-up warms up.

Long story less long, after analyzing simulations from a whole ensemble of climate models, they claim that the Paris 1.5°C world-tolerance level will likely be exceeded sometime between 2026 and 2031, depending on how Joseph stimulates and de-stimulates specific parts of the ocean. (NOTE: neither 2026 nor 2031 are a long way off. When I was in 1997, 2006 seemed like the distant future, and 2011 seemed like a year where I'd be worrying about how to put my great-great grandson through e-college. 2031 is happening in only 14 years! For context, 14 years is the combined age of the Olsen twins when they were 7.

So... we're doomed. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: This study doesn't claim that Joseph "controls" climate change. Joseph is just kinda this thing that plays a role in how fast the average temperature increases.